Yes, yes, it may sound boring to some of you heretic history-haters out there, but some of us are stuck in the past and we like it that way.

This week was Rupert Everett’s turn, and quite simply, I really like this chap. Always have, always will. He is the perfect gay best friend (we’ve all seen My Best Friend’s Wedding), he has a lovely face to look at and he speaks rather nicely.

Anyway, there’s nothing too ‘flamboyant’, shall we say, about this programme. Apart from him descending from a sailor. Enter gay joke here.

Honestly, give it a go.

At around 7.55pm I was shouting something along the lines of, ‘Quick! Hurry up! It’s 5 minutes until 8 o’clock and you still haven’t even got up the stairs’! Then, at 7.56pm I resorted to childish naughty words and throwing things. But yes, 7.57pm – 7.58pm I was silenced, and quite shocked at the fact that, for once, Denise wasn’t talking out of her mouth (or her arse) AT ALL. Denise? Quiet?

Hell hath frozen over!

Dear Lord, thank-you for giving us the gift of the Eastenders cliff-hanger, and please make sure you tell Lucas that kidnapping your wife is a little bit strange and just not allowed. P.S God bless Peggy Mitchell, the lady of our pub. Amen.

Apparently there’s a John James / Josie saga unfolding before our very eyes, meanwhile, I have been monitoring Ben. Honestly, I’m just looking for a new fag to hag on to. Please be my new gay guru, Ben!

Oh come on, stop looking at me so disapprovingly.

Such fun!

That being said, Eminem is also back. What a joy to the world. Two great writers of our time, back in business!

Did you miss us?

It’s been bugging me for ages who she reminds me of.

Sarah-Jane Potts, who I know best for her role in Sugar Rush, which by the way, I totally miss. Talk about leaving us hanging like bitches!

Anyway, SJP (sorry to Sarah Jessica Parker fans, but I’m gonna use this acronym for someone I can actually bear to look at) is so so SO gorgeous, and I feel really mean doing this, but let’s face it, she needs to be punished to some extent for that awful bowl hair cut back in the day. (Actually, does anyone know if she’s got rid of the monk style barnet yet? Answers on a postcard. If you send an S.A.E, even better, I’ll send you my “How to make a Tracy Island” fact sheet. Never got mine from Blue Peter, mind. Bastards.)

And, Gok Wan? HELL YEAH, I’d take it as a compliment. He is a right old looker, GIRLFRIEND!

P.S Rubbish Wireless Connections make Eve a Dull Girl. Publish. Publish. Publish. And no avail! I hope you get to read this one day. And….Publish!

This week I am going to try geek programmes. Watch this space. I may even be wearing glasses by the time I hit London on Friday.

Live long and prosper.

This is a first.

I’m currently watching Desperate Housewives, but, you know, same old same old. Creepy Dave Williams; talk about dragging out a storyline beyond the necessary. Yeah, we get it, he hates Mike. And, I mean, “Hello?”, another, “I hate Mike Delfino, let’s kill him.”, story is just a bit too much to take; the last one wasn’t even that interesting. Sorry, but once you get past the first hit of lust with dreamy Mike, it’s like, “Oh, you’re a plumber, and well, that’s it!”. Bore off, Delfino!

I watched some rugby today, not my choice, but surprisingly I lived through the experience without slipping into a coma (the things we do for hot boys, right?). If it’s not tennis, I’m just not turned on. (And I mean literally. Rafa Nadal – Ding DONG.)

Hopefully I will be seduced by the telly more often this week, instead of being lured to excessive vodka consumption by a Footballer with a hot ass. Yeah, you heard. And if you want a review of that, well let’s just say: John Wayne.

Controversial!

(Home and Away.)

(King definitely appears on my “weird crush” list, just so you know, I saw him first.)